Fear

I have blogged before about the fact that my family has two dogs.  Bella is a Doberman and Vito is a large Yorkshire terrier.  Bella has her name because she is “beautiful” inside and out , but she’s very much a typical dog- she loves digging holes, chewing bones, playing and most importantly, eating. Vito has his name after the “Godfather” and he believes he’s in charge!

When my man said that he wanted a “guard” dog and a Doberman would be best, I shook my head and said I preferred a docile, intelligent chocolate Labrador.  Yet he insisted and rang me a few weeks later to say that he was at a breeder with our youngest son and there was a lovely litter of Doberman’s.  He was so intent on this breed that I relented and went to visit the breeder with our son a week later. 

At the top of the stairs there was a scramble of puppies all climbing over each other to meet me and bite the furry waistcoat I was wearing!  Yet one of them sat up very very straight as if to say “I’m a good girl” and that was the one my heart reached out to. 

We collected her when she was ready to leave her mother and Bella joined our family.  Having never lived with a Doberman before I had no idea how loving she would be and how close she liked to snuggle into you.  I completely fell over heels in love with her. 

She was very jealous of our other dog and several times she would grab him by the scruff of his neck and “rag” him, which was very scary to experience and we had to discipline her until she understood that this was unacceptable behaviour.  There was plenty of love to go round and there was no need for jealousy.

We took her for training as she became aggressive when meeting other dogs and this was fine whilst she was with the trainer, but when I took her out she continued to “protect” me and was aggressive to other dogs.  But at least the training helped her ignore joggers, cyclists and other walkers.

I relied on my man to walk her until recently when the responsibility became mine.  What had she come to teach me?  To face my fear.  Fear of not being able to control her aggressiveness and fear of many other things in my life.

 

Each morning I wake up with the knowledge that I have to take them out and every day I have to face my fears.  I take full responsibility by keeping Bella on the lead and putting a muzzle on her.  I keep alert and when seeing other dog walkers, I steer her into a different direction.  Each day is getting easier.  Slowly I am taking back control of my life and Bella is teaching me how.