Goodbye 2011

As we nearly wave goodbye or indeed good riddance to 2011, it’s a great opportunity to reflect back and take stock of all that you’ve accomplished this year.

Personally I could focus on the negative; end of a marriage; filing for divorce; coping alone…… but I’m a firm believer in focusing on the positive.

At the beginning of the year I was filled with hope that my relationship could reach a more fulfilling level and with that in mind, we went to Francine Kaye, author of the Divorce Doctor (which is weird, as really she helps couples to find resolutions to conflict!).  She is a wonderful woman and a great inspiration to take the right actions to achieve peace of mind and happiness.  Of course she couldn’t make any promises that our marriage would work and explained that it was up the individuals involved.

With that in mind, I read “Getting the love you want” by Harville Hendrix.  In that book he says that “many come to view divorce as an opportunity for personal growth.  It’s not within marriage that people grow and change, according to this increasingly popular view, it’s when the marriage falls part.  People believe that this opens their eyes to their self-defeating behaviours and gives them an opportunity to resolve those problems with a new partner.  But unless they understand the unconscious desires that motivated their dysfunctional behaviour in the first marriage, and learn how to satisfy those desires with the new partner, the second marriage is destined to run aground on the same submerged rocks.  The feeling of growth and change between marriages is an illusion; it is merely the pain that cones from exchanging one set of habituated behaviours for another”   I totally agree with this.  Sadly my husband’s deep rooted belief didn’t.

I also read “Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships” by John Welwood.  He says “ the problem is that we are looking for love in the wrong places – outside ourselves, in our imperfect relationships with imperfect people who are wounded like we are.  This inevitably leaves us frustrated and disappointed.  Even though perfect love can shine through relationships in moment, we cannot count on other people as a consistent source of it”.  In other words we need to focus on loving ourselves first.

I have then read many other interesting relationship facts, figures and advice.  I wish I knew then what I know now!

By June I could plainly see that my husband was not in the right frame of mind to work at our relationship and on our 29^th wedding anniversary, I accepted that it was over.  Nearly 35 years of my life with one man.  What a very challenging time for me. 

On the positive side I took a group on a retreat to the Outer Hebrides in Scotland, where the rural landscape and back to nature experience, gave us time just to be.  Taking the small plane from Glasgow to Stornoway certainly pushed people outside their comfort zones and gave them a great sense of achievement.

In August I volunteered at Gaunts House Summer Gathering, where there were a great variety of workshops and met very interesting people.

In September, I travelled to Spain to take part in a “Flip to the Fun Side” workshop with Alison Goldie.  It opened my eyes to people with disabilities who grabbed life and lived it to the full.  Also, to the freedom that nudity gave people without it being about sexuality.  I’ll never forget our afternoon lesson in the pool with our teacher naked!

Nearly everyone I know has stepped forward with love and support during this year and for that I am eternally grateful.  It’s not until you live alone that you realise how deafening silence can be. 

The best day of 2011 has to be in October when my youngest son and his gorgeous partner had my first grandchild, truly a blessing.

Second best day has to be watching Jamie Cullum at Pizza Express in Soho with my great friend June and my eldest son, who amazingly just happened to be celebrating a friend’s birthday upstairs and was able to nip downstairs and join us!  A moment I will always cherish.

The Happy Couple

He then proposed in Venice, later this year and has chosen the most wonderful fiancée! We’ve had two wonderful parties and the wedding is arranged for next November!

Third best day has to be how proud I felt when visiting the filming of “Made In Chelsea” at the Chelsea Barracks and meeting all my daughter’s work colleagues and the cast.  I am very proud of her and the high esteem her colleagues have for her. By the way Jamie, you’ll still our favourite!

So out of my marriage, my greatest creative achievement in life has been our three children who bring such love, joy and happiness. 

And I always will remember the quote my schoolfriend said when her husband died nearly 17 years ago.  “It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all”.

Bring on 2012! 

My darling kids and grandaughter



Heather Prince



Gorgeous daughter and boyfriend