This is my first blog of 2012. My mindset after Christmas and New Year has been very emotional and I felt writing this blog a huge challenge, so I avoided it. Yes even we therapists are human!
I couldn’t fully digest that as a smart, thoughtful, caring, insightful, passionate, loyal and loving woman with the insight of beauty and the power of love in relationships that the man I had been married to had chosen to leave me.
I realized that I’d been draining myself trying to make things work that used to not be a problem. I KNEW that it was his problems that were consuming us and killing what we’d had.
But at the time, he wasn't even AWARE of what his faults and issues were.
I tried to support him, share more of myself and hoped that my loving and caring nature would help it pass. But it didn't.
So I decided to talk to him about what I saw to try and improve things and get back to that great loving and connected place we’d both enjoyed.
His response was irritated and defensive.
He acted like I was some high-maintenance "pain" that was just nagging him.
And he completely dismissed what I said about the things he was doing to push us apart.
I have been working with people, whether separated, divorced, single or windowed. And I have heard this similar story many times! I can honestly say that what is important is a person’s "mindset".
It may sound a little silly and "new agey", but the truth is that your attitude or mindset can help you naturally become more successful with experiencing connection, fulfillment, and building something that's meaningful and lasting in a relationship.
I used to have a sticker on my car rear window which said that ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING and I honestly believe it.
I have spent a lot of time investigating our "inner-psychology" and I've come to realise that each of us has a system of beliefs that we use to organize our experience and make meaning out of what happens around us.
Men and their natural or default "emotional states" can quickly make women feel frustrated and hopeless about finding true and lasting love in their life.
Why? Because a lot of the behaviour, communication and beliefs that men have don't match up with the expectations of the woman they're with.
So what should you do? Take responsibility to make your love life special and amazing.
You can't wait around for a man to figure out the things that you already know and value.
If like me, you've experienced a difficult, painful, frustrating situation with a man - the thing that has the biggest potential for positive change and results has NOTHING to do with getting him to change. Yes, you heard that right.
It has absolutely nothing to do with his fears, issues, his shortcomings, what he should do differently, etc.
The biggest breakthroughs you'll ever have in your love life will come from within YOU.
The most powerful breakthroughs that have brought amazing positive change and growth to a persons love life are all about better understanding your own psychology and behaviour.
In other words, YOU are the greatest coach, teacher, leader, mentor and guide that you'll ever have.
Your own mind, your own beliefs and your own personal power and creativity are the most potent forces you'll ever have at your disposal.
So work on loving yourself and do things you enjoy doing and become empowered.
If you wish to clear your old beliefs, contact me for Spiritual Response Therapy, fully explained on my website.
No comments:
Post a Comment