INTIMACY ANOREXIA

As a therapist that likes to investigate the root cause of someone’s problem, I wished to fully understand what had gone so wrong during my marriage. 

During my break to the French Alps, my friend was reading a magazine and showed me an article which described in depth about how she behaved in her relationship.  The behaviour was labelled as “Intimacy anorexic” and as I read it, I was gob-smacked!  It described exactly my x spouse’s behaviour!

Intimacy anorexics withhold, withdraw and push away to stay disconnected.  This is a soul in pain.  Whatever the reason, the addiction to withholding from their spouse is real, powerful and cunning, like all other addictions. They use criticism, humiliation and anger to push people away.

It is the inner core that identifies us as being separate from another person.  This is what has been affected as we look at a intimacy anorexia.  This is the part that feels disconnected, alone, confused and isolated when needs are not being met.  It is this part of us that allows us to admit something very important.  It didn’t “just happen”.  It took time, energy, process and choices.  It took a while and then eventually, it was made.  Someone’s life didn’t become overwhelming or devastated instantly, but over a period of time.

An Intimacy anorexic feels a mess.  Many areas of their lives become unmanageable, unconnected, uncontrollable and unpredictable.  Their lives become empty and hollow in many respects. 

Intimacy anorexics can get down, feel hopeless or worthless, experience severe shame and guilt from past traumas or present circumstances and resort to sad behaviours of destruction, isolation and withholding from their spouse. 

Intimacy anorexics have for so long been robbed of spirituality, intimacy, trust and even their own reality.

To help themselves, they need to recognise that they have a problem with intimacy.  Spiritual Response Therapy can clear “programs” they are running, like programs you download onto your hard-drive.  The therapy also clears “negative energy” and “blocks”.  This can be followed by a 12-step program to recovery, similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. 

If this sounds like you or someone you know, contact me.