ANGER

A man had a problem recently who is going through a divorce and he was feeling angry with his wife for having an affair after twenty five years of marriage. As I listened to this man, who I’ll call Jason, I explained how sorry I felt that his wife had cheated and lied to him but I asked him honestly if he would take her back if she wished for a reconciliation.

I knew that the answer would be ‘no’. Because in all of those twenty five years, he was the one who held the marriage together, who tried to create the partnership he wanted and he did his best to hold that energy for her so he could have the relationship that served his needs. He thought that if he met her needs and let her know how much she was loved and appreciated, she would become the wife he wanted her to be.

The anger he was now aware of was because he was just beginning to realize that she didn’t appreciate his efforts and he was thinking that he’d wasted twenty five years of his life. But I assured him that he hadn’t wasted anything,  as her response was the best she could give him and he was going to have to accept that and see her that way. His anger was keeping the energetic connection between them open and he was letting her ‘suck’ on his energy, in the same way she did during their marriage.

When we give to others without considering whether our own needs are being met, we let them suck our own energy at will, because we don’t have any boundaries. It’s like cooking dinner and not setting a dinner time. So the food is on the table and everyone thinks they can eat whenever they want to; then you get mad because you are always eating alone. You get angry because you think they’re being inconsiderate, but you’re also afraid to set the boundaries because you are afraid that if you push too hard or demand too much they will say no. And in your heart you know that this is true, if you ask a needy, demanding person for too much, they will just say ‘no’ and walk away.

People like this are very needy and while they can take, they don’t think they have anything to give. The more you give, the more than can take at will, sucking your energy when they’re hungry or bored or tired or needy, and then leaving you drained. As soon as you ask someone like this to give back to you they feel challenged and they often leave.

Jason’s anger was allowing his wife to suck at his energy, at will, to continue to demand certain things from him and take what she wants.  Since he is  separated, but still living in the family home, she is still aiming to rule the roost but continuing to do whatever she wants.

Jason was feeling drained because anger is a powerful emotion and holding that energy is a challenge. It also prevents someone from moving forward because their energy is still tied into trying to get what they want from the marriage, which needs to be over.

So it is vital to close those connections and set some boundaries for his energy so he can stop allowing the energy suction and focus his energy on what he wants and needs, which is to let this part of his life be over and move forward into a life that serves him, with his new partner who can meet his needs.

To clear "blocks" or "negative energies" causing problems in your life, contact me for Spiritual Response Therapy clearing.

OLYMPICS

I was rubbish at netball and hockey.  With tennis I always missed the ball and with hockey I tripped over the stick!  So when my daughter rang me with last minute tickets for the Olympics hockey, I raised an eyebrow and imagined a bunch of macho women running around a field.  But the sudden opportunity to go the Olympic Village so nearby in Stratford was too good an opportunity to miss, so last Saturday I put on an early alarm and bleary eyed off we went.

The atmosphere as we got off the train and walked to Westfield was truly amazing and reminded me of the spirit of “Disney”, which we went to years ago when the kids were younger.  The volunteers in their bright tops, spoke to the crowd heading towards the Arena and one girl even sung “How do you like your eggs in the morning....” – she should get an A for effort! – that brought a smile to our faces.  A volunteer offered to take our photo in front of the stadium as a momento and everyone was so helpful and friendly. 

The buzz, excitement, atmosphere had to be felt by being there.  It took 20 minutes to walk to the Riverside Arena where the hockey was, which enabled us to take on board how HUGE the Olympic village is.  It was astro-turfed in pink and blue and far from schoolgirls, the teams were hunky guys from India and South Africa.  The big screen and music, brought the cosmopolitan crowd together as we joined in the Mexican wave and clapped to Queen’s “We will rock you”.  After a break where we met a lovely girl from South Africa, over here promoting hockey for children, where they’d set up a mini pitch outside the stadium.  Apparently 27,000 children had “had a go”!  Then we watched the second match, Belgium versus Spain which was excellent entertainment.

What an amazing memory to share with my daughter!

My lesson.  Never pre-judge or assume anything.  When an opportunity is offered, say yes!  Accept it and enjoy.

Controlling People

I have recently worked with a couple of different clients with regard to “control” issues.  The gentleman who I will call Lee was devastated that his wife had had an affair with another man.  His belief was that she had gone “crazy” and he was aiming to “control” the situation by getting everyone who knew her to tell her she was “mad” and therefore steer her back to him!  Once he removed his blinkers and was able to see that he had contributed to the situation by being a workaholic and not spending enough attention in his marriage, the damage was done. When his wife came to see me, she had fallen head-over-heels in love with the new man in her life and was feeling terribly guilty.  All the negative energies and “programs” that were running for this couple were cleared with Spiritual Response Therapy and gave them both a clear path to move forward in their lives. 

Another client, a woman who I will call Dee, was controlling her husband by pushing his buttons, which she knew was his children.  By aiming to get what she wanted, she used the children as an emotional tool, to make him behave the way she wished. When he refused to comply, she contacted someone else and told her to tell the husband how to behave.

Those who try to control other people are, simply put, neither nice nor respectful. While a controlling personality belongs to someone who probably has deeper issues, such as codependency, narcissism (selfishness), sociopathic tendencies or just sheer stubbornness, none of these negative traits should be shouldered by you. Controlling people are selfish at the core, immature at heart and likely to put the brakes on your leading a fulfilling life if you're in constant close proximity to them.

In order to spare yourself getting too entangled with a controlling personality, or to awaken yourself to the fact that the controlling person is the one with the problem and not you, here are some tried and tested ways to help you recognize a controlling person and respond accordingly.

Consider how you feel around the people in your life before all else.

 Do you have any relationships in which you feel suffocated, bossed around, confused or distressed, or just plain fed up with being told what to do a lot of the time (and feeling very guilty that you keep giving in)?

Look for moodiness. Moodiness is a key signal of a controlling person, precisely because those with moody personalities tend to be mulling over perceived hurts and injustices that have happened to them personally and seek to remedy their internal pain and improve their situation by controlling others. What better than having someone else run at your beck and call and having another person accepting blame or being afraid when you don't want to delve deeper into fixing your own source of pain?

Suspect any person who has a temper and uses it often. Frequent temper outbursts, especially those accompanied by bullying (the coward trying to control others) or threats (easier to shout out dire warnings of potential harm to you than to investigate their own internal source of harm) are a sign of a controlling personality type. Temper outbursts often happen when you disagree with them (however lightheartedly or kindly) or don't do exactly what they want you to do (which can be difficult to understand sometimes, as many controlling people expect you to be able to "read their mind").

In their minds, you are challenging their authority over you when you either disagree with them or don't comply with their wishes. Coupled with moodiness, the moody temper-throwing person can be a real handful because you never know where you stand with this misfortunate person. Unfortunately, their inability to handle and work through their anger or resentment can be taken out on you as physical, verbal, emotional or sexual abuse. Never put up with a person harming you; it is not your fault that they hurt inside.

 Listen for compliments. It is often the case that people with control issues are not very good at giving sincere compliments. They do not want you to feel good about yourself because it may take away control and draw attention away from them.

There is one major important thing to understand here and that is, no-one can control anything other than themself! By changing yourself, everyone you touch will be affected by your change.  We have no right to tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t do.  Of course if they ask our opinion, than it’s perfectly acceptable to give it, otherwise we each have FREE WILL and what we “feel” is right, is right for us.

Have compassionate detachment. While it is important to be compassionate, it is also important to be detached and to let go of this person's attitudes, issues and problems. They're not yours and you don't need to (and don't deserve to) shoulder their burden. It is the role of every human being to learn how to make our better sides shine forth and excusing someone's controlling behavior because they've had a rough life or whatever else simply continues enabling what is essentially very bad behavior that is hurting them as much as it is hurting you. Through compassionate detachment, you can care about them as a person without involving your own emotions and staying entangled in their web.

Enjoy your week!

love

Heather

Empty Nest Syndrome

For many parents empty nest syndrome occurs most often in October, well after children have left for university.  When the kids have left home, parents may feel sadness, loneliness, emptiness, guilt, and uselessness.

Although my eldest went to uni then returned after 6 months and my daughter was at uni for 3 years, I always had the youngest at home, so there was always his friends coming and going in the house, ,making our home still feel “alive”.  

Within the last 2 years my eldest son moved in with his fiancée, my youngest moved in with his girlfriend and on Saturday my daughter will move in with her boyfriend. 

My years of being Mum are now over, creating the most disturbing identity theft of my life. Along with my divorce, my 28 years of being a wife are over too.

Now the busy years are over!  I have invested so much time with my kids that when my daughter leaves this week I don't know how to deal with a household of one!  The years of shopping for the special treats each child enjoyed are over. Now my fridge is bare and I’m at a loss.

So how can I put your life back together and learn to cope with the stress of empty nest syndrome? Ignoring the problem is not the answer.

I am going to learn to experience a sense of power and control in my own life. By facing the situation straight on, I will not compromise feelings.  I will attempt to not to avoid the pain, the confusion, and change, but to deal with it in a healthy way. This is a time of adventure, discovery and creativity.

I’m going to play the music I like each day; be creative with talents and abilities, and find a reason to laugh each day. It only takes five minutes of laughter to improve blood-vessel function!

Studies also show that pet ownership lowers blood pressure and cholesterol, not to mention health insurance rates! Thank goodness I am sharing my new empty nest with 2 four-footed friends who I hope will ward off depression. I will enrol creative writing seminar I always wanted to take. Read the books I’ve been putting off for years.

I also recognise that I’m blessed with a wonderful group of friends to support me in this transformation .

I’ve also planned a holiday to somewhere I’ve always wanted to go.

This could be the happiest and richest time of my life. So I am living with intention  for love, joy, laughter and success!

July 2012 - Sieze The Day!

     
We're really in the middle of summer now, even though it's pouring of rain!  Does it feel like time is moving fast?  It's a well documented act that our planet has a pulse, which is gradually speeding up.  So "carpe diem" Sieze the Day.  This is a great time to appreciate the Earth we live on, the air that we breathe and get in touch with the fire within our belly!

Take time to stop and appreciate what you see around you, whether it's a beautiful flower or a soaring bird, a cascading waterfall or a rock formation.  Every single time you feel love and gratitude, you are shifting your energy to a life that feels fulfilled and happy.

This is a good time to visit spectacular sites and on Friday I went to a fantastic concert at Waddesdon Manor in Buckinghamshire to hear the amazing voice of Russell Watson and then on Saturday I went to Avebury, famous for its crop circles and also the largest stone circle in Europe.

After a talk by Francine who is an expert regarding Crop Circles, we were taken into a crop circle and sat down to sense the vibes.  It was good to consider the wonder of how the pattern had formed in the field, much to the farmer's surprise!  Some people may presume it's man made, but many believe the mystery that it manifests from somewhere else!  Whatever the truth is, it was an interesting day out.

So sieze the day, whether it's sunny or raining.  Happiness is not something that falls on us from the sky, but something we can create.  You can match the energy of the clothes you wear with the mood you are in today.  So if it's raining, don't grab the black outfit, put on sunshine yellow!

Write a list of places you'd like to visit and start booking them into your diary.

Am off to Hampton Court Flower show this week....

Shifting personal energy changes everything!

The Meditation groups have been working on what “energy” is.  They have been learning that when we shift our personal energy, we set new “energetic parameters” or in other words we shift our “goal posts” for all of our relationships.

This doesn’t mean that we are more demanding, but it does set new requirements for people to be able to participate in our lives. Many of us put up with behaviour that we don’t truly like and we make excuses for people.  When we change our attitude to not accepting that behaviour any more, then the energy between us and others change!

A male client, who I will call Grant, recently expressed his wish to divorce his wife, so the energy between them has now changed as he no longer wishes to accept her withdrawal behaviour towards him.  In response she does not like the feel of this new energy from him and is using emotions to “blackmail” him into feeling guilty about leaving her and the children and she is doing this because this action has worked before.

Grant is in fact having to deal with her fear about what she has been unable to become in order to have a relationship with him.  It was a step she wasn’t able to take because she was unable to mirror his new energy of loving and accepting himself and wishing for love, joy, happiness and peace in his life.  It is too much for her to process at this time. She is unable to align herself with his new energy without making significant changes and that is what she is reacting to.

She probably thinks that if she ignores the fact that he wishes to move on with his life with someone else, who he wishes to give love to and receive love in return, she won’t have to face it. But she will, with another teacher, in other words, another relationship which will teach her what she needs to learn.

Since Grant has set an intention for love, joy, happiness and peace, anyone who is unable to resonate at that level of energy will feel very uncomfortable around him. The truth is she feels threatened by his new energy and is frightened as she is unable to meet that standard so she will reject it, and her husband.

I have explained to Grant not to take it personally because it is not about him, it is about his wife and her energy.  Grant needs to continue to maintain the new boundaries because they will bring him joy and know that with each person that he releases will invite another to take their place and soon his life will be full of people who resonate with, respect and honour his energy because it matches theirs and he can enjoy more harmonious relationships.

JUNE 2012

14^th June 2012

Returning from a week away, where  I re-charged my batteries in the sun, I found England wet and dismal.  Everyone I spoke to felt resentful and depressed.   I returned to face legalities connected with my divorce and still no buyer for the house, I felt extreme yo-yo of emotions, between joy (for having been on holiday) and extreme sadness all day. I found myself bursting into tears!

The June 2012 energy we are experiencing is pushing a lot of old emotional energy to the surface, which is why you too may also be feeling sadness or anger that feels very old.  All we can do is to let it pass.  There is a lot of clearing going on right now and we have some heavy energy coming up with the Solstice and the June 24 astro event. There are also big solar flares happening now and they always disrupt our energy.

We're going through a life review now, deciding on the direction for our life and how we are going to manage what, for many of us, is an entirely new way of being. Our soul group commitments have been the focus of our energy for this and many other lifetimes, now we're letting those go and that process can be confusing as we don't know what to do next.

Personally, my obligations to my soul group in which I limited my life has now come to an end with my two sons in their own homes and my daughter moving out in 4 weeks.

The most important thing for me to do now is to stay focused on what I wish to create in my life. It’s been calling to me but until now, I have not been able to listen.

The needs of my family has been my excuse for not moving forward, not embracing my gifts and not reaching my full potential.  Now on my own, I am able to focus on myself and my life, which is a new concept not only for this lifetime but for many previous ones as well. I have started creating some goals for myself and to focus on my dreams to empower my own life.

Perhaps this is something that is happening to you too?  Love family members, but allow them the space to take on their own responsibilities in life and focus on what makes you feel happy.

with love
Heather
x

 

STRUGGLING RELATIONSHIPS

Robbie is 52 years old and came to see me, he has had a few romantic relationships although he struggles to make them work and ends up ending them. After he is supported in examining what went wrong in each relationship I asked what his relationship with his parents were like? What was their relationship like? Robbie is confused and doesn’t see how this issue matters.

The reason for this is your parent(s)/guardian(s), are your first socialisation. Everything built upon your understanding of relationships stems from these first interactions. Yes secondary socialisation can overwrite this, in some cases, however they may be overwritten but they are often still present but may be unconscious and not easily accessible.

Robbie told me that his parents didn’t always get on with one another and he remembers although only young his father leaving for a while and coming back. He remembers being very confused about what was happening and it took a while for him to accept his father wasn’t going away again.

Parental relationships are viewed by a child as the main example (due to primary socialisation), of what a meaningful relationship was. Also dealing with one of his main parents), abandonment has in this case caused a disturbance for Robbie.

Further exploration revealed that he was never talked to about what was going on, until in his teens when he found out his father had had an affair.

It is possible that Robbie struggles with relationships because the first experience of a difficult relationship was that of his parents.

So when I work with Spiritual Response Therapy, I find out what negative energy there is from past lives and present life between the client and their father and their mother.  There are other factors which I research at a deeper depth such as “blocks” to positive energies; “interference” and programs, such as “self-punishment” that may be “running” (we’re like computers!).  The therapy is able to “clear” all negativity in the client’s soul records (Akashic records) and there is a shift to the positive!

Do you think you relationship needs a “spring clean”? Or are you single and find commitment a challenge?  Spiritual Response Therapy can answer so many questions as to why you haven’t found the right partner; need to heal or change a bad relationship or you keep repeating the same mistakes.

Contact me: heather@heatherprince.co.uk

RETREAT MAY 2012

Last weekend I held the fifth 4-night retreat weekend of a workshop aimed at self-enlightenment/development in Cae Mabon, Snowdonia, Wales. It was a phenomenal experience to see how fast people can transform and what beautiful healing can manifest after just a couple of days! The participants were drawn from all walks of life, with varying degrees of experience in meditation. It was a pleasure to watch them bond effortlessly and mature rapidly in their capacity as self-healers inside the space the course provided.

We began with a meditation and intention-setting that brought us into clarity and focus for what we wanted to achieve. The theme was Womanhood and we explored what that meant. Each activity we did facilitated deeper and deeper shifts. The sharing and Q & A was deeply investigative, thought-provoking and touching. The results were deep and profound. It was beautiful to provide the opportunity for the group to delve into some creative artistic expression and to do beautiful group meditations. We had gorgeous, spring-like weather (some of the time!) and got to play outside as well, in the sunny garden with a view of the mountains. We ate delicious vegetarian food and were educated about eating fresh raw food.  We also had a lesson in making a tincture using Meadowsweet, which was fascinating and inspired one participant to follow her dream of becoming a herbalist.

Testimonials

Thanks for beings such a wonderful motivator.  EB

Heather was the heart of soul of this group.  She brought peace and love to everything she touched. J

Thanks to Heather for making everything possible and guiding the way. JB

I am off to France in September, teaching and offering individual treatments in a beautiful chalet near Lyons.

If you know of anyone who may be interested attending my next retreat, please give them the details by sending this blog on to them. If you love what I do, tell other people about it! Help me help the world, helping people reach their full potential!

Blessings and Love,

Heather

Charusila

STRESS

Stress is a common word used in our society, especially in the workplace! Forget "fight or flight" as the only duo of responses in the face of stress. For women, there's a third response: "befriend." A landmark UCLA study turned five decades of stress research on its head with the revelation that a cascade of brain chemicals gives women a larger behavioural repertoire when confronted with stress. The hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress response in women. It controls the fight/flight response and, instead, encourages her to tend children and gather with other women.

Accordingly to co-researcher Dr. Laura Cousino Klein, now assistant professor of bio-behavioural health at Penn State, the study suggests that this "tending and befriending" response to oxytocin produces a calming effect. Although it will take new studies to reveal all the ways in which oxytocin encourages women to care for children and band together, it might also explain why women consistently outlive men.

The famed Nurses Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends people have, they less likely they are to develop physical ailments and the more likely they are to cope better with challenges.

Sadly, today's busy agendas often find women cancelling the most positive and healthy thing they can do: gathering with other women to engage in the kind of "rapport" and "report" talk that hallmark feminine conversations. The corporate women's networks that generate the most return for the time and money investment allow for the nuts-and-bolts training needed for the business while also creating plenty of opportunity for mentoring, problem-solving and the informal sharing of personal issues, which is why I am a member of Athena.  It has broadened my knowledge of how to expand my business and introduced me to many other amazing business women, one of whom is Awele who organises workshops which help women in the workplace. 

  

As well as helping women reach their full potential, in my role as a healer/therapist and teacher of meditation; on 10^th May I have organised a Retreat to Cae Mabon, a magical place near Snowdon in Wales.  It is wonderful to create a gathering of women and stand back. The energy reborn from conversation, caring, compassion, and concern can change lives and move a community, a business, and a nation into a higher place.