Become empowered and love yourself

This is my first blog of 2012.  My mindset after Christmas and New Year has been very emotional and I felt writing this blog a huge challenge, so I avoided it.  Yes even we therapists are human!

I couldn’t fully digest that as a smart, thoughtful, caring, insightful, passionate, loyal and loving woman with the insight of beauty and the power of love in relationships that the man I had been married to had chosen to leave me.

I realized that I’d been draining myself trying to make things work that used to not be a problem. I KNEW that it was his problems that were consuming us and killing what we’d had.

But at the time, he wasn't even AWARE of what his faults and issues were.

I tried to support him, share more of myself and hoped that my loving and caring nature would help it pass.  But it didn't.

So I decided to talk to him about what I saw to try and improve things and get back to that great loving and connected place we’d both enjoyed.

His response was irritated and defensive.

He acted like I was some high-maintenance "pain" that was just nagging him.

And he completely dismissed what I said about the things he was doing to push us apart.

I have been working with people, whether separated, divorced, single or windowed.  And I have heard this similar story many times!  I can honestly say that what is important is a person’s "mindset".

It may sound a little silly and "new agey", but the truth is that your attitude or mindset can help you naturally become more successful with experiencing connection, fulfillment, and building something that's meaningful and lasting in a relationship.

I used to have a sticker on my car rear window which said that ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING and I honestly believe it.

I have spent a lot of time investigating our "inner-psychology" and I've come to realise that each of us has a system of beliefs that we use to organize our experience and make meaning out of what happens around us.

Men and their natural or default "emotional states" can quickly make women feel frustrated and hopeless about finding true and lasting love in their life.

Why?  Because a lot of the behaviour, communication and beliefs that men have don't match up with the expectations of the woman they're with.

So what should you do?  Take responsibility to make your love life special and amazing.

You can't wait around for a man to figure out the things that you already know and value.

If like me, you've experienced a difficult, painful, frustrating situation with a man - the thing that has the biggest potential for positive change and results has NOTHING to do with getting him to change.  Yes, you heard that right.

It has absolutely nothing to do with his fears, issues, his shortcomings, what he should do differently, etc.

The biggest breakthroughs you'll ever have in your love life will come from within YOU.

The most powerful breakthroughs that have brought amazing positive change and growth to a persons love life are all about better understanding your own psychology and behaviour.

In other words, YOU are the greatest coach, teacher, leader, mentor and guide that you'll ever have.

Your own mind, your own beliefs and your own personal power and creativity are the most potent forces you'll ever have at your disposal.

So work on loving yourself and do things you enjoy doing and become empowered. 

If you wish to clear your old beliefs, contact me for Spiritual Response Therapy, fully explained on my website.

http://www.heatherprince.co.uk/

Goodbye 2011

As we nearly wave goodbye or indeed good riddance to 2011, it’s a great opportunity to reflect back and take stock of all that you’ve accomplished this year.

Personally I could focus on the negative; end of a marriage; filing for divorce; coping alone…… but I’m a firm believer in focusing on the positive.

At the beginning of the year I was filled with hope that my relationship could reach a more fulfilling level and with that in mind, we went to Francine Kaye, author of the Divorce Doctor (which is weird, as really she helps couples to find resolutions to conflict!).  She is a wonderful woman and a great inspiration to take the right actions to achieve peace of mind and happiness.  Of course she couldn’t make any promises that our marriage would work and explained that it was up the individuals involved.

With that in mind, I read “Getting the love you want” by Harville Hendrix.  In that book he says that “many come to view divorce as an opportunity for personal growth.  It’s not within marriage that people grow and change, according to this increasingly popular view, it’s when the marriage falls part.  People believe that this opens their eyes to their self-defeating behaviours and gives them an opportunity to resolve those problems with a new partner.  But unless they understand the unconscious desires that motivated their dysfunctional behaviour in the first marriage, and learn how to satisfy those desires with the new partner, the second marriage is destined to run aground on the same submerged rocks.  The feeling of growth and change between marriages is an illusion; it is merely the pain that cones from exchanging one set of habituated behaviours for another”   I totally agree with this.  Sadly my husband’s deep rooted belief didn’t.

I also read “Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships” by John Welwood.  He says “ the problem is that we are looking for love in the wrong places – outside ourselves, in our imperfect relationships with imperfect people who are wounded like we are.  This inevitably leaves us frustrated and disappointed.  Even though perfect love can shine through relationships in moment, we cannot count on other people as a consistent source of it”.  In other words we need to focus on loving ourselves first.

I have then read many other interesting relationship facts, figures and advice.  I wish I knew then what I know now!

By June I could plainly see that my husband was not in the right frame of mind to work at our relationship and on our 29^th wedding anniversary, I accepted that it was over.  Nearly 35 years of my life with one man.  What a very challenging time for me. 

On the positive side I took a group on a retreat to the Outer Hebrides in Scotland, where the rural landscape and back to nature experience, gave us time just to be.  Taking the small plane from Glasgow to Stornoway certainly pushed people outside their comfort zones and gave them a great sense of achievement.

In August I volunteered at Gaunts House Summer Gathering, where there were a great variety of workshops and met very interesting people.

In September, I travelled to Spain to take part in a “Flip to the Fun Side” workshop with Alison Goldie.  It opened my eyes to people with disabilities who grabbed life and lived it to the full.  Also, to the freedom that nudity gave people without it being about sexuality.  I’ll never forget our afternoon lesson in the pool with our teacher naked!

Nearly everyone I know has stepped forward with love and support during this year and for that I am eternally grateful.  It’s not until you live alone that you realise how deafening silence can be. 

The best day of 2011 has to be in October when my youngest son and his gorgeous partner had my first grandchild, truly a blessing.

Second best day has to be watching Jamie Cullum at Pizza Express in Soho with my great friend June and my eldest son, who amazingly just happened to be celebrating a friend’s birthday upstairs and was able to nip downstairs and join us!  A moment I will always cherish.

The Happy Couple

He then proposed in Venice, later this year and has chosen the most wonderful fiancée! We’ve had two wonderful parties and the wedding is arranged for next November!

Third best day has to be how proud I felt when visiting the filming of “Made In Chelsea” at the Chelsea Barracks and meeting all my daughter’s work colleagues and the cast.  I am very proud of her and the high esteem her colleagues have for her. By the way Jamie, you’ll still our favourite!

So out of my marriage, my greatest creative achievement in life has been our three children who bring such love, joy and happiness. 

And I always will remember the quote my schoolfriend said when her husband died nearly 17 years ago.  “It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all”.

Bring on 2012! 

My darling kids and grandaughter



Heather Prince



Gorgeous daughter and boyfriend

It's nearly Christmas!

Every family builds their own traditions around Christmas, and ours is no exception.  The kids stockings with their names on, are hung on the mantle and their sacks are filled with presents.  This year two have left the nest, leaving only our daughter.  As our kids have grown and have partners of their own, we have to share them.  So many people I know with adult children are having to adapt to change and empty nest syndrome, which leaves a huge void in their lives.  I totally feel it too. The loneliness and silence is overwhelming at times. 

This year, our daughter will spend Christmas lunch with her boyfriend’s family and our younger son will be with his partner and her family.  So for the first time in 29 years, I won’t be cooking Christmas dinner, which feels very strange. The turkey, chipolatas, and brussels are like magnets pulling me over to them in the supermarket, but I have to remind myself that I don’t need to buy them!

So, I am embracing the invitation to be with my elder son and his fiancée. And it will be my first Christmas in 34 years without my man, as he is possibly escaping abroad, but I will raise my champagne glass to absent friends and hope he finds the happiness he seeks.

I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.  I don’t want to feel sorry for me.  I feel privileged to have married the love of my life and we have 3 amazing children and a gorgeous granddaughter.  They’re my inspiration.  I am also so grateful to have both my parents too.  Mum will be 85 years old, four days before Christmas and Dad was 89 in August.  Mum loves buying toys and is in her element this year with our new baby in the family.  So I’ll be saying thank you for another Christmas to share with them and will delight in their faces when our baby granddaughter spends Boxing Day with us all.

And next year I will face my divorce and home move and hope that life becomes easier for me and everyone else who is in a similar situation.

11.11.11

It was a wonderful experience at The Daisy Centre in Glastonbury on

11-11-11.  The ceremony led by Charu, with her wonderful smile, marked this special time as we linked in with Daisy Foss in Egypt and many others around the world who shared in the hope, blessings and meaning of this day.

I have always found the days after a big shift to be feeling “now what?” We feel the energy downloads, often experiencing intense physical side effects and then have the let down because despite all the anticipation and activity, the world appears to remain the same. But it is our desire for something different that is the true indicator that change is happening. And like in our own lives, it happens from the inside out. 

The best ways to use the energy after 11-11-11 is to keep our intentions active every day. Instead of measuring our results by when they happen, we must get into the habit of seeing them as happening right away; their physical manifestation is just the final aspect. For example “I AM losing weight” is a great affirmation for those of you with the intention of losing weight.

Our spiritual practice must become more disciplined if we are to step into our mastery and act as true co-creators. This doesn't mean we have to meditate every day but it does mean that we have to begin to remember ourselves as spiritual beings and stay connected to that energy and our co-creative power.

You are all stars, just as you are.  So just imagine wherever you are, whenever you are walking into a room, into a meeting, into a difficult situation, into the tube, into a date, into your messy kitchen with lots of plates to wash up, that you are walking on your very own positive path and you are the beautiful, perfect, amazing, sensual, alive, loved, star of life.

It does not matter what others see or think. It does not matter what your job is, or what you have achieved up till now. It does not matter if you are confused or have no clue or going through difficult times. It does not matter if your partner, parents, colleagues, family, didn’t see that you are that star when you most needed it. What matters is that you can see you are that.

You are enough as you are, more than that, you are a beautiful star.

And when you see that, you can really start being open to whatever is happening in life, even when things are a bit sh*tty.

Because if we remember that we are okay, then there is no self-judgment, just a shi*tty situation which can change at any time.

But If we conclude that things are difficult because something is wrong with us, we close down and everything gets stuck.

Remember you attract according to how you value yourself.  I am a shining star, how about you?

STORYBOOK ROMANCE

I have been meeting many single people recently.  Every one of us dreams of one day experiencing that “storybook” romance with that special person we are meant to share our lives with, our soul mate, our twin flame…

We think about how wonderful it will feel to finally be with that person… look into their eyes… and KNOW that we’ve found the love and connection we’ve been searching for. 

I believed that I had found that someone because when he first met me, he just knew that I was “the one”.

It was a true once in awhile moment, where a man meets a woman and KNOWS very quickly – without a smidgeon of doubt – that he wants to be with her and only her.  He knows he wants to be with her because it feels right on a deep emotional level.

There is no “peak point” or “pinnacle” in love…I’ve realized that love is an exciting journey we share with someone special… and that the journey of love is the summit of LIFE.

This journey starts when you meet that special someone you are meant to share your life with… but it doesn’t always have to have an end.

The key to keeping it alive is getting through the inevitable obstacles all couples face as they become closer and more connected with one another… and turning them into learning experiences which bring you closer together instead of pushing you apart.

This is my eldest and his lovely fiancee

who captured his heart.

A great relationship expert says that a woman that TRULY captures a man’s heart will:

Make a man FEEL, through experience, that he’s BETTER OFF being with her than being single, spending most of his time with his friends, or “sleeping around.”

AND…

Show a man, on a physical AND emotional level, that he’s better off being with her than any other woman he could possibly meet.

For men, the desire for love and intimate connection is often buried under other layers of “wiring” – such as the desire to do things like PROVIDE (financial success)

Many men make bad choices and mistakes in their relationships. But after going through a lot of pain and frustration, and making the same mistakes men often make with great women in their lives over and over, a man needs to make a commitment to himself to become more conscious about why he feels and acts the way he does. To end personal patterns and cycles of destructive behaviour in relationships with women that keep leading a man back to the place where he is ALONE.

Spiritual Response Therapy can give an insight into negative programs running and energies from past lives which is creating the destructive behaviour.  It clears them in the Soul Records and helps you move forward on a more conscious positive path.

It can be done for anyone, anywhere via the internet.  Just email me if you wish to book.

Alone

Aloneness is total and complete. Not loneliness but ‘aloneness’. Loneliness is always concerned with others; aloneness is concerned with oneself.

Do you ever feel alone? A sense of alienation (or aloneness) is actually an epidemic in our culture.
But what if that aloneness was actually serving a purpose? What if it was there to open you to a deeper understanding of who you really are?  And what if your true nature is oneness... the very opposite of aloneness?

Yesterday, 24^th October, was Global Oneness Day. It was dedicated to feeling connected to a global community, to experiencing a deep peace within and to knowing that you are not alone -- that you are at one with all of life.
That’s all very well, I hear you say, but what if you don’t know what purpose the aloneness is serving!

Aloneness is the joy of being just yourself. It is being joyous with yourself, it is enjoying your own company. There are very few people who enjoy their own company. And it is a very strange world: nobody enjoys their own company and everybody wants others to enjoy their company! If they don't enjoy, they feel insulted -- and alone they feel disgusted with themselves. In fact, if YOU cannot enjoy your own company, who else is going to enjoy it? Your aloneness is your essential being. 

Meditation is total freedom, aloneness, the flight of the alone to the alone. There is no other.  One hundred percent mindfulness will be needed -- less than that won't do. 

Aloneness, solitude is positive. It is overflowing joy for no reason. It is our very nature to be joyous; hence there is no need to depend on anybody else. There is no other motive in it, it is simply there. Just as the water flows downwards, your being rises upwards. Just give it a chance -- give it solitude. And remember again, solitude is not solitariness, just as aloneness is not loneliness. You must make a distinction between two words: lonely and alone. In the dictionary they carry the same meaning, but those who have been meditating, they know the distinction. They are not the same, they are as different as possible.

Loneliness is an ugly thing; loneliness is a depressive thing -- it is a sadness; it is an absence of the other. Loneliness is the absence of the other -- you would like the other to be there, but the other is not, and you feel that and you miss them. YOU are not there in loneliness, the absence of the other is there.

Alone? -- it is totally different. YOU are there, it is your presence; it is a positive phenomenon. You don't miss the other, you meet yourself.

If you are alone, you grow, because there is space to grow -- nobody else to hamper, nobody else to obstruct, nobody else to create more complex problems. Alone you grow, and as much as you want to grow you can grow because there is no limit, and you are happy being with yourself, and a bliss arises.

Loneliness is a state of mind when you are constantly missing the other, aloneness is the state of mind when you are constantly delighted in yourself. Loneliness is miserable, aloneness is blissful. Loneliness is always worried, missing something, hankering for something, desiring for something; aloneness is a deep fulfillment, not going out, tremendously content, happy, celebrating. In loneliness you are off centre, in aloneness you are centred and rooted

This is about putting YOU first.

If you feel there are blocks or negativity in your life, or you wish to understand your qualities or what lessons you have chosen to learn, then book a Spiritual Response Therapy with me, which can be done for anyone living anywhere, via the internet.  This will clear them all away in your Soul Records (Akashic Records) and the shift will be life changing.

Meditation classes are Wednesday 2nd November at 7pm-8.30pm in Chigwell Row, Essex

RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN

In the past few months many women clients have been asking me about relationships and how to be attractive to the right men.  The thing about being a woman is that you're already attractive. Really, you are. You don't have to do anything. A man becomes attached to you because he feels safe and attracted to your energy.

In fact - it's the DOING that gets us into trouble. It's the thing we've all been taught to "do" with a man, and it's the thing that just makes our attractiveness disappear. The harder we try, the less interested he is in us, so stop trying.  Just be yourself. 

Some clients have asked me about being attracted to a man and he isn't committing to them. Most women worry and complain to friends, and try to behave as if it was all ok and that they’re "handling" things. As if it was ok, to be treated badly; not being kissed or hugged or spoken badly to. It feels humiliating and horrible.

Ladies it’s important for you to know, that a woman needs to know that she deserves to be loved and feel loved.

So, should a woman pull away from a man who wants to be "friends," without having more and more discussion about his point of view - is this running away?

Is it selfish?  Definitely NOT!

The only way to treat a man who sleeps with you and then wants to be your "friend" is to say how you feel - "I feel feelings for you beyond friendship, and so I don't want to be friends with you just now...and then DROP HIM COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR LIFE!

Some men don't need more than a “friends with benefits” relationship. There may not be another woman. There may be many other women. There may not be another woman for years. Makes no difference. He may never be into ANY woman. He may frequent prostitutes for all anyone knows.

So ladies what should you do….

1. Drop him out of your life. Completely. NO CONTACT.

2...DATE!

Smile back at all men. Accept every invitation you get to anywhere. Leave the house and be in the company of some man.

Feel what it’s like to be with a man . Yeah, maybe a boring man, maybe a quiet man, maybe a not-so- sexy man, maybe a man you can't or won't fall in love with.

This is about rebuilding your self-esteem in the company of men who WANT to be with you, who want to make you happy, who want to give you what YOU want.

It's very difficult to lift yourself up in the company of a man who always makes you feel bad.

Most women have been through this at some point. Now it's ENOUGH. Enough is enough.

This is about saying NO.

This is not about throwing things away, or belittling someone or yourself, or talking, or communicating, or arguing, or trying to understand, or giving someone the benefit of the doubt, or even getting into your feelings and expressing them.

This is about putting YOU first.

If you feel there are blocks or negativity around you and relationships, book a Spiritual Response Therapy with me, which can be done for anyone living anywhere, via the internet.  This will clear them all away in your Soul Records (Akashic Records) and the shift will be life changing.

LIFE LESSONS

As always I wish to share with you something about the lessons I am learning at the moment, in case they could be of any use to you. 

The lessons I am learning right now are so dark and difficult and I know many people right now are also facing great difficulties and don’t know how best to deal with them. Mine is letting go.  Letting go of the love of my life; letting go of my children as they fly the nest; letting go of my dream home; letting go of sugar cravings and letting go of outcome.  So how am I learning to “let go”?

In September I went to a week’s workshop of drama improvisation and found the key was laughter.  Last week I went to the Festival of Life in London and attended a Laughter Workshop which was funny!  After all, it is said that laughter is the best medicine, whether you are ill or depressed. So if you have a funny film or favourite comedian to watch, do it.     

You may have already read or heard that by the law of attraction, our thoughts create our reality.  If they are constantly reinforced by thinking of them over and over again, they gain a certain power of their own.  They then become “thought forms” and take on a life of their own, like a demon which feeds on fear and misery, which makes you feel helpless and stuck.  Fortunately these negative energies can be cleared by Spiritual Response Therapy, deleting them in your Soul records (Akashic records). I am so grateful that I have been trained to do this clearing.

This will create a positive path for you to take responsibility for your own well-being and to look after yourself by eating healthily and regularly.

Also, to do an activity such as walking, dancing, swimming etc.

And to fight any feelings of depression with determination that the situation will be overcome, by living life to the full by socialising and focusing on others, plus finding the humour in the situation!

There are days when your thoughts will fight to be heard, even when you’re doing your best to change them.  It happens to all of us.  Just send love, forgiveness, gratitude and blessings to the person or event which has caused you pain and recognise what your lesson was from the experience. 

We are each here to learn from each other and there is nothing right or wrong, so don’t be hard on yourself.  It just IS.  And our main lesson is to learn that all there is - is LOVE.  Know your angel is always with you.  Just ask for help.

Have a funny ha ha week!

Heather

x

Solar Plexus Chakra

The meditation group are learning about the chakras and we have been focusing on specific one each week.

A trauma in childhood can cause an imbalance, such as age inappropriate responsibilities, causing an imbalance in the 3^rd chakra (solar plexus).

Sometimes the situation within a family requires that the child grow up too quickly and take on responsibilities that are beyond the maturity of their age.  Parental substance abuse, poverty, illness, death or divorce may push a child into the role of surrogate spouse or parent. 

This usually leaves the child with an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy.  Such inadequacy not only attaches itself to every task attempted in the future, but also to one’s very concept of self. 

As Alice Miller has said “One is free from depression when self-esteem is based on the authenticity of one’s own feelings and not on the possession of certain qualities.”

Healing the third chakra is essential for maintaining healthy metabolism, balancing the distribution of energy throughout the body, and determining the course of our lives with appropriate responsibility and freedom.  To achieve this, we need to work on the internal first.  We need to undo the knots of old habit patterns that drag us downward, the binding fears from the past that rule us, the paralysing self-scrutiny of our shame, or the compulsive acting out of unresolved conflicts. 

Give up wanting everything assured ahead of time and accepting that there might be criticism, challenge, misunderstanding, rejection or a possibility of failure. 

The challenge of power is to mature, accept responsibility and carve the shape of our future through our own proactivity.  Our power increases through meeting challenges and resolving them successfully.  We must be willing to take risks, venture into the unknown and escape the gravity of the familiar.

Robert Detzler

Yesterday I met a man who has changed my life.  He had no idea who I was and how his teaching of Spiritual Response Therapy to 2 people way back at a Mind, Body & Soul exhibition in the 90’s would reach out to so many people, including me.

Robert Detzler is a teacher, counsellor and minister who introduced Spiritual Response Therapy, to the world.  This is a psychic spiritual method that uses universal energies to heal past life traumas and subconscious blocks. 

I booked his class as he is doing a teaching tour in Europe and there were 90 of us from Great Britain, Ireland, Belgium and France.  It was the first time he’s been in the UK since 1994, so I grabbed this opportunity with a personal mission to shake his hand.  And that is exactly what I did.  He also kindly invited people to the front of the class for Body Re-structuring and my lower back pain and neck ache have amazingly gone, without any kind of touch whatsoever! Awesome.

He was very informative yesterday…

As a minister he believes that 90% of the bible is symbols and 10% is history. 

He said that no-one can “attack” you psychically.  It’s your “belief” that makes it real. 

He mentioned that anyone with Asthma or a breathing challenge is most likely due to a past life where they died from poisoned gas or were drowned in a moat containing sewage and nasty things!  I am pleased to say that all this can all be cleared in a person’s soul records.

How a therapist can check the physical body of the fetus and ask if it’s developing properly.  If it’s not then it can be corrected!

How using “995” can bless food and raise the energy. 

Plus many other enlightening things!

His dear wife Mary Ann was with him and she gave a wonderful speech in memory of a teacher who had very recently passed over.

Robert explained that the Earth is a place of transformation and learning.  He said he has had many lives where he learnt a lot but didn’t put it into action.  So in this life it is his opportunity to rectify that. 

Earth is a place where each one of us, can make a difference.  Well Robert, you certainly have and from the bottom of my heart, thank you.