PANIC ATTACKS

It was nearly 30 years ago that I experienced my first panic attack – something that one in ten of us will experience at some point, according to the Royal College of Psychiatrists.

At that time in my life I was under a lot of emotional stress, what with building work and decorating our new home; leaving my childhood home and the security of my parents; the preparations for our wedding and honeymoon.  Plus I was working full time in a pressurised role.  It all took its toll.

I was sitting down in my boss’s office just about to take shorthand when a wave of panic washed over me.  I felt faint, my heart was racing and my hands were clammy and thought I was going to die.  Then it passed and I began to worry if it would happen again and I’d work myself up into such anxiety, which brought on more attacks!

The day before my wedding, I had to be taken to see a psychotherapist as I didn’t understand what was happening to me!

He explained that these experiences were panic attacks and the overwhelming events of me leaving the security of my parents nest, plus working full time and the prospect of having to run my own home were just too much for me.  Also, add on the excitement and anticipation of the wedding and honeymoon and voila a “panic attack”!

Although very nervous, I managed to cope with the wedding and with that out of the way, enjoyed our honeymoon.  On return I went to the library to learn more about these attacks and how to deal with them.  Although it’s not known why some people suffer, experts believe attacks are the result of a “fight or flight” response when the body is flooded with the stress hormone adrenaline “out of context”.

Adrenaline increases the heart rate and blood pressure.  They can also be a symptom of anxiety, overwhelming feelings of tension, uncertainty and fear. This is where I first realised the importance of correct breathing; meditation/relaxation and an affirmation of “I am safe and this feeling is passing”.

During my time as a therapist I have met many, many clients who have suffered with panic attacks and I can truly emphasise with what they’re experiencing and help them deal with it and prevent them from happening.

Monday 19 March

Monday 19 March

The sun is shining, the sky is blue and the daffodils are in full bloom.  How beautiful!  This week is the Equinox; the Sun moving into the sign of Aries and nature’s birthing of a new season.  Spring gives us such a “spring in our step” as it’s a time of new growth and opportunities, and preparing for new beginnings.

This Equinox follows last week’s grand trine in earth signs and I received a phone call urging me to look at the sky to see Venus and Jupiter shining brightly together. Unfortunately, due to cloud I didn’t see them! But it was enough to be reminded that they were there!  These are the planets that bring us beauty and blessings.  Blessings sometimes come in unusual packages and we’re all being blessed with new beginnings, which always follow endings. Something has to end before something else can begin.
With the Equinox on March 22 we have a balance of daylight and darkness, and ongoing retrogrades of Mercury, Mars and Saturn. Life is all about creating “balance”. 

So, ask yourself -:
Where you can create balance in your life.
What is out of balance, out of alignment or just not working for you?
Is someone being frustrating, annoying or not honoring you?
How can you re-focus your energetic expression to create joy in your life?

Then bless wherever you are stuck because this is showing you how you can restore balance and move into joy.

It may feel unpleasant, especially with regard to relationships, but until you let go of what is not working and “shut that door”; then a new door of opportunity can open.  You are always only in control of your own life and it is important to be in “integrity” – to be true to yourself.  Bless the other person and know that they are on their own unique learning path. 

Make this the first day of your happy, powerful, joyful and joy-filled  new year.

Archangel Chamuel

The Archangel of Love and Self-Esteem.

“I give and receive love unconditionally"

Each week at my two meditation classes, the participants choose a card at the end of the evening for guidance for the rest of their week.  I have often picked a card from Chrissie Astell’s Angel Cards of Archangel Chamuel, the angel of Adoration, whose name (pronounced Kam-u-el) translated means "He who sees God".

Chamuel holds and represents the qualities of love, tolerance and gratitude. So I began to work on loving myself (learning to accept and love myself fully), practised being tolerant and mindfully focused on being grateful for everything in my life.  

I understood that working on myself would then enable me to love others completely, unconditionally and without judgement. Archangel Chamuel helps us to find love, compassion, creativity and beauty in our surrounding environment as well as recognise these qualities in others. Chamuel also helps bringing real Love into your life.

I kept a rose quartz in my study where I work and one next to my bed.  It enhances the effect of working with this loving energy.

My intention this year is for real love which is strong and supportive.  Meaning loving without the need to control others, allowing them to be free, it is nurturing without smothering.  To love and be loved in return.

So you may ask, did it work?  I’m delighted to tell you that there is a person now in my life who I thank Archangel Chamuel for and I am so grateful.  He is a true angel and even has the name of one of my favourite Archangels.  That is all I can share for now but will keep you posted!

If you too are seeking true love, just ask Archangel Chamuel to help you and know that he will.
I wish you blessings in abundance.
With love and peace,
Heather x

March

Monday, March 05, 2012

Here we are in March which has a number of powerful events, including the Equinox, a continuing Mars and Saturn retrograde and Mercury retrograde.

Mercury retro (Feb 27 – Apr 23) is a great time to slow down, catch up on stuff and review if we are spending our time and energy on doing things that bring us happiness.   

March is the time to begin the integration of all of the learning we have experienced in the last fifteen or more years.

So it’s a good idea to ask yourself a few questions:

What do you want in your life? I know that I set the intention to experience true love.  As George Benson says in “Nature Boy” - To love and be loved in return.

How do you want to feel?  I set out the intention to feel joy, happiness, love, respected, pampered, adored and abundant. 

Who do you want to interact with?  Personally, I wish to interact with positive people whose cup is half full and they have a great attitude about living life to the full.

What kinds of experiences do you want to have? Personally, my intention is for being a successful author and having fun, laughter & travelling to different places, experiencing various cultures!

Who is hurt by your choices? Hopefully, no-one. But I have no control over that; there may be damage but we have to remember that what others choose to feel about our choices is not our responsibility. It’s time for all of us to live through our vision.   

There is a powerful Full Moon on March 8 that connects with Mars and a New Moon the day after the Equinox that aligns with Uranus and Pluto. Anything that isn’t nailed down with your intention for joy may just go flying out of the window this month, whether you think you are ready or not. Or you may find that someone’s truly outrageous behavior (which you may have tolerated last month) becomes the last straw for you.
Have a wonderfully happy month.         

  Heather xx

LOVE

Love

Love is an energy.  Many of us have been experiencing the ending of relationships in 2011 allowing old or negative  love patterns to die so new ones can take their place. We can do this when we remember that love, like a flower, is an energy and it follows a cycle of death and rebirth.

In autumn trees and flowers lose their leaves and die back so they can re-generate in the spring. It’s all part of natures natural cycle. Love follows the same kind of cycle. Old patterns of love and loving, such as the ones that are needy, demanding, or controlling, cannot co-exist with new, higher vibrations of unconditional love that expand love into acceptance, self control, worthiness and value. So in order to make room for this shift in love, we enter into a love cycle.

To begin the cycle, we recognise the old love pattern for what it truly is. Then we have to release what is not positive for us. As we let go of what’s not working, we create an energetic space for the new pattern, thereby releasing the old person or situation and a new one enters our energetic space, at the new and higher vibration. But what often happens is we try to make the old pattern fit the new paradigm and we try to hold on to the familiar relationship even though we know it doesn’t “feel” right as we’re trying to make the past fit into the present moment.

That energy can transform but only when there is something for it to transform into, and it is willing to do that. This is an either/or possibility, either the old love pattern will shift into a new vibration or a new love will present itself to us, in response to our intention for love. But we have to be willing to allow the shift to happen, be open to a new love energy that matches our intention and know that our intention always manifests, in one way or another. Fear that there's something deeply wrong with us is what keeps so many of us women from attracting and connecting to a good man who will love us - forever. You ARE capable - you're more than capable. You CAN have a relationship that meets and exceeds your wildest expectations.

So if you are wishing for new love to enter your life, set an intention for new love, allow the love cycle play itself out and know that when one love pattern ends, it is a brilliant opening for new unconditional love to manifest in your life. Isn't it beautiful that your heart is the biggest muscle in your body?

Me in Glastonbury

INTIMACY ANOREXIA

As a therapist that likes to investigate the root cause of someone’s problem, I wished to fully understand what had gone so wrong during my marriage. 

During my break to the French Alps, my friend was reading a magazine and showed me an article which described in depth about how she behaved in her relationship.  The behaviour was labelled as “Intimacy anorexic” and as I read it, I was gob-smacked!  It described exactly my x spouse’s behaviour!

Intimacy anorexics withhold, withdraw and push away to stay disconnected.  This is a soul in pain.  Whatever the reason, the addiction to withholding from their spouse is real, powerful and cunning, like all other addictions. They use criticism, humiliation and anger to push people away.

It is the inner core that identifies us as being separate from another person.  This is what has been affected as we look at a intimacy anorexia.  This is the part that feels disconnected, alone, confused and isolated when needs are not being met.  It is this part of us that allows us to admit something very important.  It didn’t “just happen”.  It took time, energy, process and choices.  It took a while and then eventually, it was made.  Someone’s life didn’t become overwhelming or devastated instantly, but over a period of time.

An Intimacy anorexic feels a mess.  Many areas of their lives become unmanageable, unconnected, uncontrollable and unpredictable.  Their lives become empty and hollow in many respects. 

Intimacy anorexics can get down, feel hopeless or worthless, experience severe shame and guilt from past traumas or present circumstances and resort to sad behaviours of destruction, isolation and withholding from their spouse. 

Intimacy anorexics have for so long been robbed of spirituality, intimacy, trust and even their own reality.

To help themselves, they need to recognise that they have a problem with intimacy.  Spiritual Response Therapy can clear “programs” they are running, like programs you download onto your hard-drive.  The therapy also clears “negative energy” and “blocks”.  This can be followed by a 12-step program to recovery, similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. 

If this sounds like you or someone you know, contact me.

FRENCH ALPS

I have just experienced a beautiful trip to the French Alps.  I was invited to stay in a chalet which is a fantastic location for a retreat. 

Meditation in such a location is a truly wonderful experience.  Connecting to the powerful and healing energies of Mother Nature, whilst walking through the mountain paths and feeling the refreshing energies of the mountains is breath-taking. 

As we sat in a pod taking us up the mountain to Meribel, we gazed at the forest of pine trees below and the streams that had huge shapes of ice cubes in them.  That too was a meditation of beauty.

In Meribel we watched the people ski down the pistes and the snow boarders glide towards us, as we sipped our “Vin Chaud” (hot wine).  Amazing!

The whole trip was a healing and empowering experience of sun, blue sky, forests, lakes and rivers.  We came home uplifted and cleansed by walks in the mountains, invigorated and purified by the mountain air, charmed and relaxed by the beauty around us.

It certainly gave us a feeling of joy that lifted us above our daily challenges. To let go of the fears and anxieties that hold us back in life and to allow ourselves time to laugh. We were inspired by many ideas of what we could offer as a retreat subject in this healing location.  We’d love everyone to let go of stress and discord and to be in harmony. To feel balanced, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically.  To feel happy and complete, as harmony and balance improve well-being and health.

We’d like to share that with you.  You are invited to a “Just Feel Great” weekend! Friday 28^th , Saturday 29^th, Sunday 30^th September & Monday 1^st October.

Women are from Venus

Lots of us women tirelessly analyze our relationship over and over - often creating more negative emotional distance through the fear and anxiety we experience. We mull over and over…

"What does it mean since he did ……….. whatever behaviour it was……."

How many times have we spent hours or days thinking about talking about exactly what it is we need to say or do with a man to fix or change things?

The truth is, the answer often isn't in our head and isn't available from the level of awareness and consciousness we have at the time.  A relationship is a process, just as change, awareness and growth are all processes. 

Many of us make the common mistake of trying to logically convince our men through our words that he should think or feel differently.  That's not how men work emotionally.

The key is to stop doing all the things that get in the way of the connection and attraction that is there but has drifted away.  Open, honest, "real" relationships still have lots of challenges, doubts, "phases" and fears in them.  In fact, in a way, they have more challenges because both people are truly open and honest about who they are and what they're feeling.

Perhaps you panic, creating more emotional uncertainty, and negative disconnected feelings?

Or maybe you’re calm, confident, and assured in a way that lets a man know things aren't going to be difficult and tiresome with you in the future?

Feelings and emotions can change almost instantly.

Instead of trying to convince him or argue with him about how he should think and act in your relationship... it is wiser to make him feel physically and emotionally drawn to you as a woman and as a partner. So tell him how you feel.  By doing this you will allow him to feel so comfortable that he will open up and tell you how he feels too. The reality is that ALL men have their own set of fears about being truly close to a woman - as much as they ALSO want to love and be loved...

To clear "blocks" or "negativity" in your relationship or your future relationship, book a Spiritual Response Therapy clearing with me.

love and happiness

Heather

x

Become empowered and love yourself

This is my first blog of 2012.  My mindset after Christmas and New Year has been very emotional and I felt writing this blog a huge challenge, so I avoided it.  Yes even we therapists are human!

I couldn’t fully digest that as a smart, thoughtful, caring, insightful, passionate, loyal and loving woman with the insight of beauty and the power of love in relationships that the man I had been married to had chosen to leave me.

I realized that I’d been draining myself trying to make things work that used to not be a problem. I KNEW that it was his problems that were consuming us and killing what we’d had.

But at the time, he wasn't even AWARE of what his faults and issues were.

I tried to support him, share more of myself and hoped that my loving and caring nature would help it pass.  But it didn't.

So I decided to talk to him about what I saw to try and improve things and get back to that great loving and connected place we’d both enjoyed.

His response was irritated and defensive.

He acted like I was some high-maintenance "pain" that was just nagging him.

And he completely dismissed what I said about the things he was doing to push us apart.

I have been working with people, whether separated, divorced, single or windowed.  And I have heard this similar story many times!  I can honestly say that what is important is a person’s "mindset".

It may sound a little silly and "new agey", but the truth is that your attitude or mindset can help you naturally become more successful with experiencing connection, fulfillment, and building something that's meaningful and lasting in a relationship.

I used to have a sticker on my car rear window which said that ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING and I honestly believe it.

I have spent a lot of time investigating our "inner-psychology" and I've come to realise that each of us has a system of beliefs that we use to organize our experience and make meaning out of what happens around us.

Men and their natural or default "emotional states" can quickly make women feel frustrated and hopeless about finding true and lasting love in their life.

Why?  Because a lot of the behaviour, communication and beliefs that men have don't match up with the expectations of the woman they're with.

So what should you do?  Take responsibility to make your love life special and amazing.

You can't wait around for a man to figure out the things that you already know and value.

If like me, you've experienced a difficult, painful, frustrating situation with a man - the thing that has the biggest potential for positive change and results has NOTHING to do with getting him to change.  Yes, you heard that right.

It has absolutely nothing to do with his fears, issues, his shortcomings, what he should do differently, etc.

The biggest breakthroughs you'll ever have in your love life will come from within YOU.

The most powerful breakthroughs that have brought amazing positive change and growth to a persons love life are all about better understanding your own psychology and behaviour.

In other words, YOU are the greatest coach, teacher, leader, mentor and guide that you'll ever have.

Your own mind, your own beliefs and your own personal power and creativity are the most potent forces you'll ever have at your disposal.

So work on loving yourself and do things you enjoy doing and become empowered. 

If you wish to clear your old beliefs, contact me for Spiritual Response Therapy, fully explained on my website.

http://www.heatherprince.co.uk/

Goodbye 2011

As we nearly wave goodbye or indeed good riddance to 2011, it’s a great opportunity to reflect back and take stock of all that you’ve accomplished this year.

Personally I could focus on the negative; end of a marriage; filing for divorce; coping alone…… but I’m a firm believer in focusing on the positive.

At the beginning of the year I was filled with hope that my relationship could reach a more fulfilling level and with that in mind, we went to Francine Kaye, author of the Divorce Doctor (which is weird, as really she helps couples to find resolutions to conflict!).  She is a wonderful woman and a great inspiration to take the right actions to achieve peace of mind and happiness.  Of course she couldn’t make any promises that our marriage would work and explained that it was up the individuals involved.

With that in mind, I read “Getting the love you want” by Harville Hendrix.  In that book he says that “many come to view divorce as an opportunity for personal growth.  It’s not within marriage that people grow and change, according to this increasingly popular view, it’s when the marriage falls part.  People believe that this opens their eyes to their self-defeating behaviours and gives them an opportunity to resolve those problems with a new partner.  But unless they understand the unconscious desires that motivated their dysfunctional behaviour in the first marriage, and learn how to satisfy those desires with the new partner, the second marriage is destined to run aground on the same submerged rocks.  The feeling of growth and change between marriages is an illusion; it is merely the pain that cones from exchanging one set of habituated behaviours for another”   I totally agree with this.  Sadly my husband’s deep rooted belief didn’t.

I also read “Perfect Love Imperfect Relationships” by John Welwood.  He says “ the problem is that we are looking for love in the wrong places – outside ourselves, in our imperfect relationships with imperfect people who are wounded like we are.  This inevitably leaves us frustrated and disappointed.  Even though perfect love can shine through relationships in moment, we cannot count on other people as a consistent source of it”.  In other words we need to focus on loving ourselves first.

I have then read many other interesting relationship facts, figures and advice.  I wish I knew then what I know now!

By June I could plainly see that my husband was not in the right frame of mind to work at our relationship and on our 29^th wedding anniversary, I accepted that it was over.  Nearly 35 years of my life with one man.  What a very challenging time for me. 

On the positive side I took a group on a retreat to the Outer Hebrides in Scotland, where the rural landscape and back to nature experience, gave us time just to be.  Taking the small plane from Glasgow to Stornoway certainly pushed people outside their comfort zones and gave them a great sense of achievement.

In August I volunteered at Gaunts House Summer Gathering, where there were a great variety of workshops and met very interesting people.

In September, I travelled to Spain to take part in a “Flip to the Fun Side” workshop with Alison Goldie.  It opened my eyes to people with disabilities who grabbed life and lived it to the full.  Also, to the freedom that nudity gave people without it being about sexuality.  I’ll never forget our afternoon lesson in the pool with our teacher naked!

Nearly everyone I know has stepped forward with love and support during this year and for that I am eternally grateful.  It’s not until you live alone that you realise how deafening silence can be. 

The best day of 2011 has to be in October when my youngest son and his gorgeous partner had my first grandchild, truly a blessing.

Second best day has to be watching Jamie Cullum at Pizza Express in Soho with my great friend June and my eldest son, who amazingly just happened to be celebrating a friend’s birthday upstairs and was able to nip downstairs and join us!  A moment I will always cherish.

The Happy Couple

He then proposed in Venice, later this year and has chosen the most wonderful fiancée! We’ve had two wonderful parties and the wedding is arranged for next November!

Third best day has to be how proud I felt when visiting the filming of “Made In Chelsea” at the Chelsea Barracks and meeting all my daughter’s work colleagues and the cast.  I am very proud of her and the high esteem her colleagues have for her. By the way Jamie, you’ll still our favourite!

So out of my marriage, my greatest creative achievement in life has been our three children who bring such love, joy and happiness. 

And I always will remember the quote my schoolfriend said when her husband died nearly 17 years ago.  “It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all”.

Bring on 2012! 

My darling kids and grandaughter



Heather Prince



Gorgeous daughter and boyfriend